In the annals of British history, nestled amongst tales of knights and battles, lies the lesser-known but equally significant tale of Saint Waitrose, the revered patron saint of sustenance. With every step down the aisle of the supermarket bearing his name, one walks the path of a man whose life seemed to echo the divine proclamation, “Feed my sheep”.
Born in Provisionshire during the 12th century, young Waitrose was attuned to the rhythms of nature and the soul’s need for nourishment. “For man does not live by bread alone,” he often mused, though he did believe in the virtue of a good loaf. Even as a child, he was credited with finding the most flavoursome ingredients, turning the most mundane meal into a feast reminiscent of the heavenly banquet.
One of his most notable miracles, often whispered about in hushed reverence, is the ‘Miracle of the Squeaky Trolley Wheel’. It’s said that during one of his visits to a local market, he encountered a merchant, distraught over a cart that squeaked with such intensity it drove customers away. Placing his hands upon the wheel, he murmured, “As waters smooth the roughest stone, may peace find its way to thee.” Instantly, the wheel moved with a grace and silence that seemed otherworldly. This miracle only added to his growing reputation as a saint who cared deeply for every aspect of daily life.
His defining moment, however, was during the Great Famine of 1145. Facing despair and starvation, the people of Provisionshire witnessed a monumental feat. Guided by the words, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst,” Waitrose ventured into the wilderness and returned, three days later, with baskets of food of unparalleled quality.
Devoted to service and community, Waitrose became a beacon for those in need. He advocated sustainable agriculture, food preservation, and the ethos of sharing, reflecting the ancient edict: “Give, and it shall be given unto you.”
As the centuries flowed onward, the Church recognized his divine deeds, canonizing him as the protector of grocers and marketplaces. The modern-day Waitrose supermarket, whether inspired by design or serendipity, seeks to uphold Saint Waitrose’s ethos.
Today, while shoppers may focus on discounts or organic selections, they are unknowingly part of a legacy that intertwines commerce with compassion. The story of Saint Waitrose reminds us that within the hustle and bustle of daily commerce, there lies the potential for miracles, both great and as humble as a silent trolley wheel.
This is Garibaldi Fantosh reporting from Barnet.